Hand on heart: How do you speak to yourself when you make a mistake? Presumably, much harsher than you would ever do with a good friend. We are our own sharpest critics. But science shows: harsh self-criticism does not make us more industrious or better – it paralyzes us, increases stress levels, and weakens our psychological resilience.
What is Self-Compassion Really?
Self-compassion means not self-pity or a "victim role." It is the conscious decision to meet oneself in difficult moments with the same kindness, care, and support that we would give others. According to researcher Dr. Kristin Neff, it consists of three core components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.
A Look into the Mirror
It starts with recognizing the suffering. Instead of ignoring the pain or condemning yourself for it, you allow yourself to feel it and comfort yourself.
Deep Dive: The Psychology of the Inner Critic
The inner critic is often an internalized voice from childhood. From a biological perspective, when we criticize ourselves sharply, the amygdala – the alarm center of our brain – is activated. We release cortisol and adrenaline. We get into a "fight-or-flight" mode against ourselves. Self-compassion, on the other hand, activates the caregiving system and releases oxytocin, the "bonding hormone" that calms and makes us feel safe.
Higher Resilience
People with high self-compassion recover faster from setbacks and traumatic experiences.
Less Anxiety
Acceptance of one's own imperfection takes the pressure off having to be perfect, and thus reduces social anxiety.
Better Relationships
Those who are at peace with themselves can also be more empathetic and boundary-aware towards others.
Silence and Connection
Often retreat into nature helps us to dampen the loud voice of the inner critic. In the expanse of the landscape, we often recognize how small our daily worries are compared to the big picture. This perspective is an essential part of "common humanity": the knowledge that failure and suffering are part of the universal human experience.
Practical Exercises for Everyday Life
You can train self-compassion like a muscle. Here are three simple techniques:
- The "Friend Question": In moments of stress, ask yourself: "What would I say now to a loved one who is in this situation?"
- The Self-Compassion Touch: Place your hand gently on your heart or stomach when you feel stressed. Physical touch signals security to your nervous system.
- Journaling: In the evening, write a letter to yourself in which you describe a difficult situation of the day from a compassionate perspective.
Do you need personal strengthening?
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